To live long enough to feel the pain of time pass.
People come and go.
Born and then die.
Right now as I grieve the loss of a dancing brother…
I’ve left behind Austin-my family, my dance, my community.
I moved 2000 miles away.
I see their pictures on FB.
Babies born show how time moves.
Do I move forward?
Shifting sand washes over my toes as I stand on the beach.
I feel a tug on the bottoms of my feet as the water goes back into the ocean.
I stand firm, digging my toes into the sand.
I make a stand.
What moves forward?
What is left behind?
The tide ebbs and flows.
The moon waxes and wanes.
What does that mean?
It’s what I do, moment to moment.
Leave behind hopes, unmet dreams.
I leave lovers behind.
Dammit. Under my breath. Regret.
Future didn’t go where I imagined.
What did I vision?
Happily ever after.
And happily ever after didn’t happen.
Mom and Dad didn’t stay together.
I didn’t watch my brothers grow up.
I didn’t become a teacher in a university.
I moved away.
Did I move forward?
A dear friend said to me…
“It takes a decade…Carola, for dreams to come alive.”
I didn’t listen…
I left behind dreams that did not come alive…
Oops. I didn’t have patience to wait a decade.
Moving forward is looking through the BIG windshield.
Not through the small review mirror.