To live long enough to feel the pain of time pass.

Carola Marashi M.A. Intuition Counselor

To live long enough to feel the pain of time pass. 

People come and go.
Born and then die.

Right now as I grieve the loss of a dancing brother…
I wonder.
I’ve left behind Austin-my family, my dance, my community.
I moved 2000 miles away.
I see their pictures on FB.
Babies born show how time moves.
Do I move forward?

Shifting sand washes over my toes as I stand on the beach.

I feel a tug on the bottoms of my feet as the water goes back into the ocean.
I stand firm, digging my toes into the sand.
I make a stand.

What moves forward?
What is left behind?
The tide ebbs and flows.
The moon waxes and wanes.

Leave behind.
What does that mean?
It’s what I do, moment to moment.
Leave behind hopes, unmet dreams.
I leave lovers behind.

Dammit. Under my breath.  Regret.
Future didn’t go where I imagined.

What did I vision?
Happily ever after.
And happily ever after didn’t happen.

Mom and Dad didn’t stay together.

I didn’t watch my brothers grow up.
I didn’t become a teacher in a university.

Robert LeachHappily ever after
Didn’t happen with my Austin Ecstatic dance community (Body Choir).
I wanted my dance community to dance under one roof.
I thought I’d live in Austin until I died.

I moved away.
Did I move forward?

A dear friend said to me…
“It takes a decade…Carola, for dreams to come alive.”
I didn’t listen…
I left behind dreams that did not come alive…
Oops. I didn’t have patience to wait a decade.

Moving forward is looking through the BIG windshield.

Not through the small review mirror. 

Big Al

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: