Microdosing, Anxiety & Vaccine Shot

Yesterday I got my 1st Covid 19 Vaccine Shot. I thought I signed up for a drive through experience, like what many of my friends described. “Great!” I told myself. “I can do this. Stay in my car, follow directions, and drive in and out.”

When we drove up to the convention center in Downtown Portland, we were directed to park in the garage, go inside an elevator, stand in congested lines. My heart raced. Red alarms were sounding off inside my chest. I kept gripping my hands into a tight fist. My lips were pressed together, to hold my tongue.

“I did not sign up for this! This! is exactly what we’ve been told to NOT do for a whole year-go inside a building with too many people, ride in a crammed elevator, NO! NO! NO!” My whole body was screaming silently.

I did take a microdose of LSD 2 hours prior our leaving the house to make our 1:30 appointment. While I as in full blown anxiety, I hear someone shout out my name “Carola! is that you?” I turn around and see a woman reaching out to touch my arm. I look into her eyes, she’s genuinely happy to see me. She looks into my eyes, I ask “Can I hug you?” She opens her arms wide. We give each other a strong embrace. She says ‘Hey, let me give you your shot. Go to Number 5. I’ll be right back.”

I sit in her chair, sweaty palms, bouncing my knees. I recognized her as a ecstatic dance friend.

Can you believe it?

Hundreds of random people wandering around inside the convention center and

  • Someone recognizes me while wearing a mask and serious ‘Fuck off!’ posture

  • Risks Reaching out to touch me

  • A fellow ecstatic dancer who knows body language.
  • Yes I squirmed when she offered calming words. Her eye contact– Her human compassion melted my distrust. I still don’t like participating in the Western Medical model. AND I do fully participate in the human connection model. Which is why I said yes to getting vaccinated.

    All I can say is that synchronicity seems to be more accessible since I’ve been participating in psychedelics, microdosing, and regular body centered practices such as yoga, breathing, and ecstatic dance.

    After I got home from the vaccine adventure I basked in the wonder of human connection. Then found myself carried away in full body laughter. The rolling on the floor laughter. Just laughing at myself. I was appreciating my quirky behaviors- like mistrust of the medical model, my gawd awful handwriting AND my abundant gratitude for human connection. Yep. That’s what I call a microdose moment.

    Leave a Reply

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

    WordPress.com Logo

    You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

    Google photo

    You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

    Connecting to %s