To live long enough to feel the pain of time pass.

Carola Marashi M.A. Intuition Counselor

To live long enough to feel the pain of time pass. 

People come and go.
Born and then die.

Right now as I grieve the loss of a dancing brother…
I wonder.
I’ve left behind Austin-my family, my dance, my community.
I moved 2000 miles away.
I see their pictures on FB.
Babies born show how time moves.
Do I move forward?

Shifting sand washes over my toes as I stand on the beach.

I feel a tug on the bottoms of my feet as the water goes back into the ocean.
I stand firm, digging my toes into the sand.
I make a stand.

What moves forward?
What is left behind?
The tide ebbs and flows.
The moon waxes and wanes.

Leave behind.
What does that mean?
It’s what I do, moment to moment.
Leave behind hopes, unmet dreams.
I leave lovers behind.

Dammit. Under my breath.  Regret.
Future didn’t go where I imagined.

What did I vision?
Happily ever after.
And happily ever after didn’t happen.

Mom and Dad didn’t stay together.

I didn’t watch my brothers grow up.
I didn’t become a teacher in a university.

Robert LeachHappily ever after
Didn’t happen with my Austin Ecstatic dance community (Body Choir).
I wanted my dance community to dance under one roof.
I thought I’d live in Austin until I died.

I moved away.
Did I move forward?

A dear friend said to me…
“It takes a decade…Carola, for dreams to come alive.”
I didn’t listen…
I left behind dreams that did not come alive…
Oops. I didn’t have patience to wait a decade.

Moving forward is looking through the BIG windshield.

Not through the small review mirror. 

Big Al

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Unleash Your Tongue.Heart Whisper Word-Smithing.

heart whisperer dictionaryDo you sometimes find yourself  crafting words differently than the Common Dictionary? Although some would say I ‘cheat’ at Scrabble, I consider myself extra creative with words. Even today, I spent over an hour perusing a thesarus to build my vocabulary.

Here’s some words that I used today in a Heart Whisperer session.  It’s as if these heart whispers scratched an old layer of ‘out-dated’ meaning-and helped my client hear herself. The following are a Heart Whisperer’s Spin to a few familiar words to help unravel new meanings. Who knows? Maybe this twist will turn you On to New ways to Express your Heart Whisper!

selfish imageSelfish-Choose yourself First when making a decision. You’re an adult. You already know how to consider others. Bah Hum Bug to the New Age-Self-less. Taking your Self second promotes guilt in others. When you actually walk your talk and Responsibly Take the First Step Selfishly-You’re being congruent. Your verbal and non-verbal expression lines up. I learned in Feldenkrais-Your bones carry you, not your muscles. Selfish with accountability is your bones carrying you. New Age Self less is your muscles trying to carry you. That ‘trying to be humble’ is off your center. It’s not authentic. Practicing self-love strengthens your heart muscle. Then you can stretch your capacity to receive love and express love with less fear and apprehension. You can carry five times your body weight when your bones are lined up. There’s no scarcity there! No fear. No injury.

monogamy-me myself and iMonogamy-“You are your own primary partner-til death do you part”  How do you love yourself-the me, myself and I parts of yourself? How do you show up for yourself as your beloved, best friend, or as your primary partner?  How do you shower yourself with un-conditional love when you don’t like your behavior or don’t like the thoughts that run through your head? Like when you’re feeling jealous or afraid? How do you not abandon yourself when you don’t like how you feel?  How do you continue to be the best partner you’ve ever wanted-when you’re feeling angry or disappointed? The Ultimate Abandon is when you abandon yourself.

polyamory many loves imgPoly-Amory- I know the familiar definition is loving more than one. Do we ever stop loving? Maybe it’s just the expression of how we love that changes, rather than we stop loving. I do love more than one. I love Me, Myself, and I. So that’s 3 right there! That’s poly-amory. I continue to love my previous partners.  How I express my love changes from person to person and from day to day. I observe that the words monogamy and polyamory more often create anxiety than create freedom. When words are inflamed or charged like these words-it can be difficult to listen with open ears and open heart. How about using words that truly reflect your intention to be kind, compassionate, affectionate, and honestly open with each other? I prefer using words that are simple. Especially when it comes to articulating my desire to love. So if you’re twisted, tongue tied, or trapped by a ‘complicated’ relationship-I say-drop the lingo! See what’s there when you strip to Naked-Baring your soul. Create your own Heart Whisperer Label. That’s freedom!

beyond toleranceTolerance- Tolerance is like ‘time-out’ when your in the heat of conflict. When you’ve reached the ‘I agree to disagree’, you’re tolerating the difference.  Tolerance is a short term band-aid and lets emotions settle. Tolerance is a kind way to take space for yourself until you’re willing to consciously permeate shadows, triggers and ghosts from the past. If understanding doesn’t come to the rescue-your heart will contract and harden. Band-aids weren’t made for long term healing. Tolerance is to come back SOON to check the ‘ouch’ and keep it clean from infection and inflammation. The old adage that “Time heals all things ” requires tending and gathering information, not forget to forgive. Negligence turns into bitter resentment from a contracted heart or the dull ache of numb.

i like who i'm becomingAcceptance- Understanding leads to compassion. Understanding ourselves helps us continue to fall in-love with ourselves. What? Isn’t that narcissistic? Conceited? From a child’s mind, maybe. From an adult perspective-please keep falling in-love with yourself. Please be the center of your universe. Please know that it is all about you. Then you can honestly share Your space, your intimate heart space with another. Acceptance is  weaving together wisdom, knowledge, and intuition into the finest tapestry that lasts for centuries. Acceptance is your heart wrapper made from your own blood, sweat and tears that cannot be ripped, torn, or pierced. Be the interrogator-ask questions and be curious to develop your intuition and heart wisdom. Coming to…”we’re both right and disagree” is rock solid when it’s grounded in courage to love.

Innocence.innocence Inner Sense. Do we lose innocence with maturity? I want to believe that innocence gets stronger just like our hearts get stronger with every break. In fact our bones get stronger after healing from a break.  Our capacity for joy expands with each dive into sorrow. Our innocence deepens with each betrayal.  We’re born with ‘No Sense’ and develop ‘Inner Sense’ along our human path. We’re conceived in love. Born purely innocent knowing only love. We then begin to forget as we learn duality, good and bad, us and them, you and me. And hopefully we go from No Sense-Oneness, to Non-Sense-Duality, to Inner Sense as we develop compassion and remember spirituality. We’re all in this together.

Naivety.naivety The origin of naive comes from French ‘Naif’ according to Wikipedia…

In early use, the word “naïve” meant natural or innocent, and did not connote ineptitude.

Currently I define naivety as a skin that sheds as we remember who we really are and our authenticity is revealed. Instead of us changing as we ‘drop’ naivety, we ‘become’ more of who we are-returning to our original innocence. As Joseph Campbell describes the Hero Journey, we set out as the Fool and return as the Wise Fool. Through betrayal and challenges along our path in life, we eventually return home with wisdom, stronger innocence, and compassion to serve our community.

My desire is to live from my heart; my squishy-soft heart. I’m learning to breathe and take the time to listen, feel and respond. speak heart OUT! imageWhen my Mom died of congestive heart failure-I felt she infused me with a super elastic and bouncy heart. It gets stronger when I take the risk to love me and love another. My heart doesn’t really break. My words might cut, dice, pierce or bludgeon, but when I speak from my heart, my words find a way to nourish no matter how fierce. I invite you to take a turn at Heart Whisper Word Smithing.  Unleash your tongue and open your heart.

You are a teacher and healer and leader in community. It no longer serves you to ‘bite your tongue’.

Call me NOW to Start Shedding Your Skin! and take advantage of my Super Special Pay it Forward Deal!

heart whisperer dictionary

Pay it forward- 4 sessions at $40 and get your 5th Session as a Gift from me!

 Wouldn’t it be great if someone

could hear you-like really hear what you’re  saying-not just your word content-but hear your soul speak. And who could see you, not just look at you, but see into you-your insides that are perfect. And someone who could feel you-feel your intention to be kind, generous, beyond your expressed emotions-like really get you-your spirit-the god/goddess that flows through you.

That’s what a Heart Whisperer is to me. The person who does listen, see and feel whole heartedly. At some point along my path-I realized I had to become what I desired.  To be the therapist I desired. To be the friend I always wanted. The be the partner I wanted. To be the Mom/Dad/Sister/Brother I always wanted.

Now I’m becoming the Writer’s Coach I always wanted. I am most content when my words mirror what I want to express.

I learned from a a Feldenkrais practioner that our bones carry us, not our muscles.

It took me nearly 15 years of ecstatic dance practice to get what that means.  With Contact Improvisation Dance, when my muscles bear weight of another dancer-I can injure myself. When my bones line up-and I bear the weight of another, my bones get stronger and my core muscles get energized.  When I’m not straining myself or trying too hard I won’t pull a muscle or tear a ligament. It’s like that with words too. When my verbal and non-verbal mirror each other I’m ecstatic! You don’t have to try to understand me, you just ‘get’ me!

When my words line up with what my soul wants to express, I vibrate. Literally I feel an inner hum inside me. Maybe it’s a human purr. I actually salivate and my mouth drools!

It’s my soul purpose to connect-intimately inside and outside, verbally and non-verbally, align completely my mind/body/spirit. No compromise.  What leads me instantly to depression is when I feel disconnected, out of integrity, or simply incongruent.

It’s easy to experience incongruence.

All around me I hear people say “Yeah. No.”  I see people shake their heads no and say out loud “Yes”.

I can travel all around the world on the internet and never leave my seat. I can have thousands of friends on facebook and yet have no one to talk to.  I can love you and not like you.

What is Shedding Skin Writing Practice?

It’s writing from the inside-out. It’s following your heart and writing with your mind simultaneously.

It’s listening to your Heart Whisper and hear your Soul Roar.

The snake rubs up against something sharp to begin the shedding process. The snake will die of suffocation if it doesn’t shed it’s complete skin-even the covering of it’s eyes.

Shedding Skin writing practice includes witness. As your Heart Whisperer, I listen for writing prompts that are personally sharp and pierce fog, cut confusion, rip apart false thinking. Your writing will scratch off dead skin and old beliefs that don’t serve you any longer. Sharing your writing with witness sheds your skin. Being heard-strips off layers and exposes your vulnerability. Even though it might feel like healthy skin coming off while reading your writing, it’s enlivening and necessary for growth of your soul.

Being seen and heard transforms pain into medicine, tragedy into comedy, and death into rebirth.

Sure we can write alone. I do. I write daily morning pages to clear my head and spill ink. You know how ecstatic dance in community is different than dancing privately in a living room. Shedding Skin writing practice is writing for transformation. Listen to your Heart Whisper and your Soul Roar.

Carola Marashi M.A.  Author, Intuitive Counselor, Artist
Phone me. I am ‘all ears’ and Heart Present for you. (512) 925-0625 

Heart Whisperer Carola Marashi M.A. Author, Transpersonal Therapist.

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