Toto, Looks Like We’re Not In Kansas Anymore

I’ve been digging deep into my soul lately, writing about trusting my intuition. However, I notice a trend in my articles.

Thwack! Kick! Pow! Burn…

What about the subtle sensations like tingling on the back of my ear lobes?

Or the slight changes in my vision?

Or the tiny prickle along my scalp?

Hmm…

In this article, I’m writing about subtle Intuitive Prompts.  Hit is not the word here. Hang with me as I sniff out how I track my intuition.  

mountain pathJust a couple of days ago, a friend and I were hiking to Dead Falls Lake near Mt. Shasta, California.

We were looking at a map and my friend laughed saying he never trusts his intuition about directions.

“I go the opposite of where my intuition points. If my intuition says right I go left.”

I wondered…

“Does my intuition have a sense of direction?”

When I was pre-teen, I could walk from sun-up to sun-down deep in the woods. I lived outside the city limits of San Antonio, Texas. I never felt lost. I wandered aimlessly in tall grasses and scruffy oaks.  There were no streets or human trails, just animal paths to follow.  With no outer direction I always found my way back home. I was 16 years old when I quit trusting my sense of inner direction.

To this day I laugh at myself,

“Turn me 3 times and I’m completely lost!”  

Until a couple of days ago, I thought my hormones were the reason I lost my inner sense of direction.  

Barefoot, I ponder

“What happened to my inner sense of direction?”

I take another step forward. A twig breaks under my foot. Snap!

Something deep inside my stomach twists apart. I can almost hear it click open. I can almost taste it. The sensation of an aluminum can lid twists open deep inside me. That old familiar blood-iron taste coats my tongue. As I put my next bare foot down on the path leading us to Dead Falls, I remember when fear shattered my confidence.

The noise in my ears is a deafening heartbeat BOOM BOOM BOOM.

This time my Intuitive Hit does crack the wall I put up when I am afraid.  

What if my intuition is shouting at me?

I remember. I remember when I buried a part of myself in the dirt so no one could sniff me out. I remember from the same dirt, building a wall around me to shield out any predators.

I remember being raped at the age of 16. It was a date rape. I remember feeling so terrified for my life. I shut down and shut out everything. I couldn’t trust sounds or smell. That’s when I didn’t trust my sense of direction. I couldn’t trust anything or anyone. I didn’t trust me anymore.

I covered my tracks so I wouldn’t find my way back into my desecrated body.

All I can conjure up now is darkness. Shadows. Muffled sounds like a pillow is over my head. 

Before being raped I hitch-hiked alone in Texas, and nothing bad ever happened to me. Sure, I was careful. I grew up around alcoholic men whose laps were not safe to sit on. I knew when walking alone at night which dark alleys were not safe to enter. I really trusted my ‘6th’ sense. I trusted my ability to sniff out danger. 

It happens to the best of us. Life doesn’t always follow a straight line from point A to point B.

There really is a crack in the universe that doesn’t respect cause and affect. Twilight zone isn’t just a T.V. fiction episode. I think Twilight Zone really exists.

I didn’t feel safe to say no to the guy who asked me out. He was the top basketball player on our High School team. I felt something edgy about going out with him. He was black and I was a white foster child in a super small Texas town. When he asked me out, I felt seen. He chose me.  I was living in a temporary foster home. I was one of 8 foster kids living in a small house with a Mexican American family that had 3 children of their own. I was waiting for a more permanent foster home. I was waiting for a family to choose me to be their foster child.

I do remember in slow motion crawling into the back seat of the car. One of his friends chauffeured us to a bar on the sketchy end of town. I never got out of the car. The driver parked the car in the darkest edge of the lot. He turned off the car and I could hear loud music pouring out of the dark and dingy bar. My date, sitting next to me in the back seat pulled out a knife pointing it at my neck. He forced himself onto me. Then he forced himself into me. I barely struggled. I don’t remember making a sound. All I remember is fear flooding all my senses until I was completely numb. I felt like a stray dog stranded on a highway when he dropped me off on the curb at the house. I didn’t feel human.

Now, shaking and determined, I keep following my intuition. I want to see what else I’ve buried.

I dig my toes into the damp earth with each step. I stay grounded as I fall backward in time. 

I keep my nose, eyes and ears focused on the narrow winding path in front of me. Barefoot, I hop on a cold stone crossing a cold creek while my friend stays close behind me.

Cold penetrates the soles of my feet. My eyes water from light flooding in and my nose drips.

I hesitate before putting my right foot on the next slippery wet cold stone. The creek rushes under my feet.

I remember my therapist saying

“Carola, I want you to know what subtle is. I want you to feel my hand rest on top of your knee. If I’m not pinching or squeezing, can you feel me?”

Intuition can be a whisper. Intuition can be the most gentle nudge. Inner sense doesn’t have to be a ‘thwak!’ against the ear or a ‘bonk!’ on the head.

I’ve done the gross motor movements of bludgeoning the earth to uncover my buried body shame. Twenty-two years of furious ecstatic dancing unearthed me and 12 years of therapy pressed me back together. Now I’m learning the nimble skills of listening to the murmurs of calm, contained contentment.

My intuition gently whispers

“Seduce the subtle, enchant the awkward, and keep moving forward.”

sure-footed
sure-footed

 

 

 

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As a mover and shaker of authenticity, I help you unleash your tongue and speak your truth from the inside out.

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Unleash Your Tongue.Heart Whisper Word-Smithing.

Strengthen your Intuition by Carola Marashi M.A.

heart whisperer dictionaryDo you sometimes find yourself  crafting words differently than the Common Dictionary? Although some would say I ‘cheat’ at Scrabble, I consider myself extra creative with words. Even today, I spent over an hour perusing a thesarus to build my vocabulary.

Here’s some words that I used today in a Heart Whisperer session.  It’s as if these heart whispers scratched an old layer of ‘out-dated’ meaning-and helped my client hear herself. The following are a Heart Whisperer’s Spin to a few familiar words to help unravel new meanings. Who knows? Maybe this twist will turn you On to New ways to Express your Heart Whisper!

selfish imageSelfish-Choose yourself First when making a decision. You’re an adult. You already know how to consider others. Bah Hum Bug to the New Age-Self-less. Taking your Self second promotes guilt in others. When you actually walk your talk and Responsibly Take the First Step Selfishly-You’re being congruent. Your verbal and non-verbal expression lines up. I learned in Feldenkrais-Your bones carry you, not your muscles. Selfish with accountability is your bones carrying you. New Age Self less is your muscles trying to carry you. That ‘trying to be humble’ is off your center. It’s not authentic. Practicing self-love strengthens your heart muscle. Then you can stretch your capacity to receive love and express love with less fear and apprehension. You can carry five times your body weight when your bones are lined up. There’s no scarcity there! No fear. No injury.

monogamy-me myself and iMonogamy-“You are your own primary partner-til death do you part”  How do you love yourself-the me, myself and I parts of yourself? How do you show up for yourself as your beloved, best friend, or as your primary partner?  How do you shower yourself with un-conditional love when you don’t like your behavior or don’t like the thoughts that run through your head? Like when you’re feeling jealous or afraid? How do you not abandon yourself when you don’t like how you feel?  How do you continue to be the best partner you’ve ever wanted-when you’re feeling angry or disappointed? The Ultimate Abandon is when you abandon yourself.

polyamory many loves imgPoly-Amory- I know the familiar definition is loving more than one. Do we ever stop loving? Maybe it’s just the expression of how we love that changes, rather than we stop loving. I do love more than one. I love Me, Myself, and I. So that’s 3 right there! That’s poly-amory. I continue to love my previous partners.  How I express my love changes from person to person and from day to day. I observe that the words monogamy and polyamory more often create anxiety than create freedom. When words are inflamed or charged like these words-it can be difficult to listen with open ears and open heart. How about using words that truly reflect your intention to be kind, compassionate, affectionate, and honestly open with each other? I prefer using words that are simple. Especially when it comes to articulating my desire to love. So if you’re twisted, tongue tied, or trapped by a ‘complicated’ relationship-I say-drop the lingo! See what’s there when you strip to Naked-Baring your soul. Create your own Heart Whisperer Label. That’s freedom!

beyond toleranceTolerance- Tolerance is like ‘time-out’ when your in the heat of conflict. When you’ve reached the ‘I agree to disagree’, you’re tolerating the difference.  Tolerance is a short term band-aid and lets emotions settle. Tolerance is a kind way to take space for yourself until you’re willing to consciously permeate shadows, triggers and ghosts from the past. If understanding doesn’t come to the rescue-your heart will contract and harden. Band-aids weren’t made for long term healing. Tolerance is to come back SOON to check the ‘ouch’ and keep it clean from infection and inflammation. The old adage that “Time heals all things ” requires tending and gathering information, not forget to forgive. Negligence turns into bitter resentment from a contracted heart or the dull ache of numb.

i like who i'm becomingAcceptance- Understanding leads to compassion. Understanding ourselves helps us continue to fall in-love with ourselves. What? Isn’t that narcissistic? Conceited? From a child’s mind, maybe. From an adult perspective-please keep falling in-love with yourself. Please be the center of your universe. Please know that it is all about you. Then you can honestly share Your space, your intimate heart space with another. Acceptance is  weaving together wisdom, knowledge, and intuition into the finest tapestry that lasts for centuries. Acceptance is your heart wrapper made from your own blood, sweat and tears that cannot be ripped, torn, or pierced. Be the interrogator-ask questions and be curious to develop your intuition and heart wisdom. Coming to…”we’re both right and disagree” is rock solid when it’s grounded in courage to love.

Innocence.innocence Inner Sense. Do we lose innocence with maturity? I want to believe that innocence gets stronger just like our hearts get stronger with every break. In fact our bones get stronger after healing from a break.  Our capacity for joy expands with each dive into sorrow. Our innocence deepens with each betrayal.  We’re born with ‘No Sense’ and develop ‘Inner Sense’ along our human path. We’re conceived in love. Born purely innocent knowing only love. We then begin to forget as we learn duality, good and bad, us and them, you and me. And hopefully we go from No Sense-Oneness, to Non-Sense-Duality, to Inner Sense as we develop compassion and remember spirituality. We’re all in this together.

Naivety.naivety The origin of naive comes from French ‘Naif’ according to Wikipedia…

In early use, the word “naïve” meant natural or innocent, and did not connote ineptitude.

Currently I define naivety as a skin that sheds as we remember who we really are and our authenticity is revealed. Instead of us changing as we ‘drop’ naivety, we ‘become’ more of who we are-returning to our original innocence. As Joseph Campbell describes the Hero Journey, we set out as the Fool and return as the Wise Fool. Through betrayal and challenges along our path in life, we eventually return home with wisdom, stronger innocence, and compassion to serve our community.

My desire is to live from my heart; my squishy-soft heart. I’m learning to breathe and take the time to listen, feel and respond. speak heart OUT! imageWhen my Mom died of congestive heart failure-I felt she infused me with a super elastic and bouncy heart. It gets stronger when I take the risk to love me and love another. My heart doesn’t really break. My words might cut, dice, pierce or bludgeon, but when I speak from my heart, my words find a way to nourish no matter how fierce. I invite you to take a turn at Heart Whisper Word Smithing.  Unleash your tongue and open your heart.

You are a teacher and healer and leader in community. It no longer serves you to ‘bite your tongue’.

Call me NOW to Start Shedding Your Skin! and take advantage of my Super Special Pay it Forward Deal!

heart whisperer dictionary

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 Wouldn’t it be great if someone

could hear you-like really hear what you’re  saying-not just your word content-but hear your soul speak. And who could see you, not just look at you, but see into you-your insides that are perfect. And someone who could feel you-feel your intention to be kind, generous, beyond your expressed emotions-like really get you-your spirit-the god/goddess that flows through you.

That’s what a Heart Whisperer is to me. The person who does listen, see and feel whole heartedly. At some point along my path-I realized I had to become what I desired.  To be the therapist I desired. To be the friend I always wanted. The be the partner I wanted. To be the Mom/Dad/Sister/Brother I always wanted.

Now I’m becoming the Writer’s Coach I always wanted. I am most content when my words mirror what I want to express.

I learned from a a Feldenkrais practioner that our bones carry us, not our muscles.

It took me nearly 15 years of ecstatic dance practice to get what that means.  With Contact Improvisation Dance, when my muscles bear weight of another dancer-I can injure myself. When my bones line up-and I bear the weight of another, my bones get stronger and my core muscles get energized.  When I’m not straining myself or trying too hard I won’t pull a muscle or tear a ligament. It’s like that with words too. When my verbal and non-verbal mirror each other I’m ecstatic! You don’t have to try to understand me, you just ‘get’ me!

When my words line up with what my soul wants to express, I vibrate. Literally I feel an inner hum inside me. Maybe it’s a human purr. I actually salivate and my mouth drools!

It’s my soul purpose to connect-intimately inside and outside, verbally and non-verbally, align completely my mind/body/spirit. No compromise.  What leads me instantly to depression is when I feel disconnected, out of integrity, or simply incongruent.

It’s easy to experience incongruence.

All around me I hear people say “Yeah. No.”  I see people shake their heads no and say out loud “Yes”.

I can travel all around the world on the internet and never leave my seat. I can have thousands of friends on facebook and yet have no one to talk to.  I can love you and not like you.

What is Shedding Skin Writing Practice?

It’s writing from the inside-out. It’s following your heart and writing with your mind simultaneously.

It’s listening to your Heart Whisper and hear your Soul Roar.

The snake rubs up against something sharp to begin the shedding process. The snake will die of suffocation if it doesn’t shed it’s complete skin-even the covering of it’s eyes.

Shedding Skin writing practice includes witness. As your Heart Whisperer, I listen for writing prompts that are personally sharp and pierce fog, cut confusion, rip apart false thinking. Your writing will scratch off dead skin and old beliefs that don’t serve you any longer. Sharing your writing with witness sheds your skin. Being heard-strips off layers and exposes your vulnerability. Even though it might feel like healthy skin coming off while reading your writing, it’s enlivening and necessary for growth of your soul.

Being seen and heard transforms pain into medicine, tragedy into comedy, and death into rebirth.

Sure we can write alone. I do. I write daily morning pages to clear my head and spill ink. You know how ecstatic dance in community is different than dancing privately in a living room. Shedding Skin writing practice is writing for transformation. Listen to your Heart Whisper and your Soul Roar.

Carola Marashi M.A.  Author, Intuitive Counselor, Artist
Phone me. I am ‘all ears’ and Heart Present for you. (512) 925-0625 

Heart Whisperer Carola Marashi M.A. Author, Transpersonal Therapist.

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