LEAP OF FAITH

LEAP and Linger.

My 53rd Birthday Present.  Tandem Paragliding over Southern Oregon Mountains.

Linger.

Linger is my new friend.  I choose to become very familiar, as intimate as I can with Linger.

“To be slow in parting”

is one definition. My relationship with this word linger stuck to me like ‘white on rice’ in contact improvisation dance. In my last jam, we were directed to talk with a partner about how we like to initiate and close our intimate contact dances with each other. Instantly I saw how I ‘leave’ a dance is how I move through my world. Withdraw. Dis-Engage. Drop Out. Impulsively I laughed aloud in class. If I had lingered even briefly, I would have felt sad and not laughed.

A dear friend Nick Crane gifted me with a tandem Paraglide flight. Tandem Paraglide  How ironic that he was my contact partner that I dropped, withdrew, disengaged without notice during dance…Now his pre-flight instructions:  

“I’m strapping you into this harness. When I say run, you run. When I say stop, you stop. Now RUN!”

I sprinted toward the edge of the mountain, pulling him and our wing attached to strands of long colorful lines. And then I lept off a mountain top with Nick close behind me. We were caught by our one long wing filled with air. We glided silently and gracefully high in the sky.

Running, pulling, leaping and then just being carried felt too opposite.  I wanted to flinch, jerk, somehow throw off this Huge Rush of adrenaline making my thigh muscles twitch.  Yet my gift was to just sit and relax into the beauty that enveloped us. Lingering suspends the moment and pleasure expands time and space. Sitting still, I actively moaned and exhaled loudly, to calm myself down. I intended to enjoy the ‘flight’ of paragliding with my friend Nick.

What do I hold onto when I let go?

Jumping off a mountain, what did I hold onto? I trusted my familiar relationship with Nick. We’ve been dancing together for 6 years in Ecstatic Dance/Contact Improvisation in Ashland, Oregon.Contact Improvisation  I know he’s a Paraglide Instructor and flown Tandems hundreds of times. My body knows his body. I trust that he is in his body.  I trust Nick and I have faith in me. Floating through the sky, hovering over mountains, cattle, and sage brush I wondered how Faith relates to Intuition.  I hear myself say “Trust Your Intuition.” How about “Have Faith in Your Intuition”?

Leap of Faith!

Following my intuition frequently feels like a leap of faith. My last blog post broke all my rules of self-preservation and left me feeling raw and exposed. Amidst all the support of my friends, and new friends, my trust in others reached an all time LOW.  Since my last post, I have felt awkward stares, and sideways polite hugs. Fear of alienation escalated after a difficult conversation with a girlfriend.  Instead of going to the second day of a Yoga Festival-I withdrew. A whole Yoga buffet of  lingering moments to sink into myself…I chose to skip out.

In retrospect, authentic blogging compares to dying and being reborn. Transformation is a rush. What follows is a crash. Rushes are not sustainable.

I spent Saturday wandering around town alone feeling lost. Within familiar (withdraw), I did something different (engage). Later in the evening, I humbly asked a friend to listen to me and reflect honesty.  We walked up a dirt road in full moon light.  I was throwing rocks and sobbing.  My friend courageously said to me,

“Carola, it’s time to talk to your Higher Power.  Ask God questions. Surrender.”

Grrr…I gritted my teeth, made a fist.  Dammit! I spit under my breath.

“Surrender? Trust God?”

Quietly, he walked me home. I wanted to be alone with my journal and pen and sulk awhile. The Yoga Festival was in my neighborhood. Jai Uttal was playing a Kirtan outside on a full moon, down the hill from my house. No way could I participate in a spiritual celebration. I was angry. I was angry with God.  Once alone, I furiously started writing.

“God, how can I trust you? You ditched me when I needed you.”

“How can I have faith you’re here for me, when I can’t count on you?”

I had never allowed myself to be angry with God, Higher Power, Spirit before. I kept writing, crying, asking, writing. Writing helps me listen. Writing helps me linger a little longer with my feelings. The message I got from ‘God, Spirit, Higher Power’ when I surrendered:

LINGER. Hang just a little longer!

Have a little faith? Have a little hope? Ask for help from my Higher Power?

Hmmm.  What is my relationship with My Higher Power? Okay God. Do I feel your presence? Do I really know I’m not alone? Where were you? or Where are you? I’m not angry that my parents abandoned me-I’m angry that YOU abandoned me.  I gotta be honest with me. I lived in HELL. I’m angry that you were not there.  If you were there-is that even harder to accept?  I feel lost and I want help.  I’m feeling hope-LESS. I am sooo ready to check out. Really lost/HURT/ angry that I keep losing energy fighting this alone. God I’m asking for your guidance. Please point out my path so I can stay committed to my path. yeah. I keep feeling like I’m on a detour. 

 God! Right now I am in Hell. Hell is inside me. My mind. My doubt.

My path God? Goddess? What did you put me here to ‘DO’?  I nod my head. I feel the truth. Yeah. I can feel the truth in this. God, you didn’t make it easy ’cause my Path isn’t easy. 

 Oh…The journey of a Shaman/ Healer- you try to Kill them. Right. Living in Hell had a purpose. My dying and coming alive-helps me be whole. My forgiveness is real.

I can Accept now – this descent into Hell.  This ain’t religion I’m believing. This belief is real inside me. Is this Faith?

 Yep. I feel the space open in my gut-when I hear the truth. I am here to Love. Accept. Forgive. My path is to Love my enemy. Forgive my enemy. Accept my enemy. Be better than my enemy. My enemy is inside me- it’s my Doubt. 

 Did I ask? Did I surrender?

“Carola You are here to know what it is to be alive, breathe, move from your heart and soul. Then you bring others to their Hearts. Simple.”

 Okay. I feel you. I am not alone. You do help me feel You-through others. Ah Yes! Human Angels. My dear friend who held me and told me to talk to you- is a Human Angel. Thank you God, Goddess. I am smiling. I am at Peace Now.

Back to Linger.  Linger is what I ‘DO’ to help me surrender to Spirit. Linger conjures subtlety.  Linger helps me respond instead of react. While I linger, I quiet down to listen to my intuition. The more faith I have in me, as a newly born Adult, the more I can relax and linger a little while longer. Like right now writing. I’m lingering.

 
Thanks for joining me. My Human Angel.MarcusScott
Unsteady, wobbly, shaky? Your higher self is requesting attention. My sessions are intended to sharpen your own tools for self discovery.

512-925-0625  (Customary love offering $1 per minute.)

Intuition Counseling helps you listen and respond to your own inner guidance. Have faith in your intuition.

About Me-Carola Marashi M.A.I live simply in Southern Oregon on a permaculture sanctuary owned and designed by my Heart Circle Mate. Surrounding me are gardens, animals, wild nature, and a wild dance community with open hearts.

My Intuition Counseling (since 1982) weaves authenticity, integrity, art and movement. I am author of 2 self-published books: SENSUAL EATING, and SACRED DANCE with 22 Card Tarot Deck. I hold a Masters degree in Transpersonal Psychology and Bachelor’s degree in Nutrition. I am Co-Founder of Body Choir Ecstatic Dance Established 1994.  In Austin, Sante Fe, Ashland, Medford.

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SHEDDING SKIN WRITING WORKSHOP SUNDAY May 5th.

Join Carola Marashi ,

cropped-maui-carola-2013.jpgAuthor of 2 Published Books:

SENSUAL EATING and SACRED DANCE TAROT, &

Leslie Caplan,

Leslie CaplanInternationally published Author.

An Intimate 2 Hour Writing Workshop.

We will dive deep beneath the skin,into our Senses beyond the Brain.With writing practices we have developed over the past year, our desire is to enhance your ease and grace of capturing the vitality and spirit of your own unique expression and voice.

$35.00.Private Residence.

Carola Marashi (512) 925-0625

Leslie Caplan (541) 482-0266

How Do I Trust My Intuition Right Now?

I’m sitting here in a quandary.

Quandary by Carola Marashi M.A. Intuitive CounselorAs an Intuition Counselor, you’d think I could do a muscle test or  be quiet and listen.  It’s not always that easy.  Right, even for me.  Sometimes I can’t feel.  Sometimes I can’t listen.  Fear drowns out listening to my ‘higher’ self.  Confusion floods my senses.  Now what?

My journal becomes my best friend. Writing slows me down. Especially handwriting with a scratchy pen, not gel, so I slow down and the sound of scratching on paper actually soothes me. Like listening to a shovel dig in dirt or the sound of raking soothes me.

Journaling Intuition by Carola Marashi Intuition CounselorWriting sends me into my body.  My last therapist (also a writer) learned  that writing helps the left and right brain connect. Deeper listening and wider perspective lead me to trusting my intuition.  Short bike rides in my neighborhood or talking to a friend help me get into my body.  Still, my journal is my best friend- always available and willing to listen with NO interruptions or advice.

So back to my quandary (I dig this word!).

A friend is requesting my participation in something that feels incongruent.  I’m not understanding what I hear, what I feel, and what I see.  Ugh! My insides and outsides don’t match! Confusion overtakes me.

Back to my journal. I write.

What do I feel?  My stomach cramps.  My head feels light.  My breath is short.  

What do I want?  To feel grounded in my body.

COMMUNICATE!  Flashes on my mental screen.

I write it down in All Capitol letters. I continue to write in my journal:

But I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I loathe disappointing anyone. I love saying YES!  Saying no is scary. No-one likes to hear no.  Yet, if I deny my intuition, I’m saying no to me. Ooh can I really take that risk of her not liking me,  and accept I have my limits?  What if I lose her as a friend?  I’m not being my friend  OR her friend if I ignore what I feel. NOW that I know what I feel.

Journaling is like massaging a knotted chain necklace. Just slowly roll the knotted chain in between my fingers and the knot softens.  The gentle unravel lets it stay one piece.  Frustration and impatience only tightens the knot again.  Rolling the chain between my fingers is almost hypnotic and soothing.  Staying with it-releases the knot.

The deep conversation with myself writing on paper- helps me stay engaged with Me.  Like rolling the knotted chain.  Having all the space  to really be honest with Myself on paper with minimal self-judgment helps me unravel my true feelings.  It helps me listen to my intuition.

Intuition.

My insides and outsides are matching.  Cool! Now I can communicate.

Intuition.  Being honest with me so I can show up in my world.

Intuition.  Me giving Me permission.

Intuition. Knowing I have choices.  I choose love.

I communicate with my friend.  Message her.  I say what I feel. I say what I want.  I am open to how the scenario unravels.  I’m staying engaged.  I am following my intution.

I can trust now.

Thanks for listening.

Peace,

Carola

Summer Special

90 Minute Session for $60.00.

Summer Special offer until September 2012

512-925-0625

(Customary love offering $1 per minute.)

Intuition Counseling helps you listen and respond to your own inner guidance.

Unsteady, wobbly, shaky? Your higher self is requesting attention. My sessions are intended for sharpening your own tools for self discovery.

Leaning into your intuition strengthens integrity and authenticity. Living life trusting your intuition opens choices on how to respond and serve yourself and your community.

About Me-Carola Marashi M.A.
I live simply in Southern Oregon on my friends amazing sanctuary. Surrounding me are gardens, animals, wild nature, and a wild dance community with open hearts.
My lifestyle weaves ritual, presence, authenticity, integrity, art and movement.I am an author of 2 self-published books: SENSUAL EATING, and SACRED DANCE with 22 Card Tarot Deck. I hold a Masters degree in Transpersonal Psychology and Bachelor’s degree in Nutrition. I am Co-Founder of Body Choir Ecstatic Dance in Austin, Sante Fe, Ashland, Medford.

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Donate securely using Paypal - no membership required

You can pay for your Intuitive Counseling through Pay Pal.

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