What haunts us the most

Today of ALL days, spill your guts, cough it up, do not swallow your words. Silence is Violence.

When we conjure our psychedelic state of mind, there is no problem to solve, nothing broken to fix, and NOTHING needs to go away. Microdosing psychedelics like psilocybin and LSD can help us remember our inherent psychedelic state of mind that we were born with.

What haunts us the most is what we DON’T say. What I do more than anything else as a therapist, is help you listen to your inner dialogue. For me, I didn’t really start to listen to myself until I began house-sitting. I didn’t realize I was going to be alone, just me and the plants and animals. What I heard was bullying, silencing, and threatening. Almost deafening. Inside my body, the words were thundering, shattering, and made me want to jump out of my skin. Silence is violence. Especially turned inward. I still couldn’t allow myself to speak them out loud. Eventually, I scribbled the words with a pencil on paper. Black and white. No color. No capitol letters. Illegible scratches.

I believed that holding my tongue; swallowing my words was being ‘kind, empathetic, gracious’. Not true! That ‘truth’ was violence turned inward. When I began microdosing psychedelics, I found that that inner voice wasn’t kind. My inner voice was a bully. “You little shit! Who do you think you are? Get OVER it already! “ Barked my inner voice.

As a Psychedelic Integration Therapist, I encourage my clients to disrupt and disturb for peace. Make waves! Tip the cart! Spill your guts. Cough it up. Speak your truth.

But what if I get fired? What if my partner leaves me?

What if I’m alienated for speaking the unspeakable?

Aha… You’ve crossed the line. You will discover your authenticity outside the box of cultural and family norms. You will discover your integrity when you explore out on a limb. You will fall in love with yourself when you take risks of being MORE of who you truly are.

What helps me engage my courage to disturb and disrupt is remembering that words are spells. Writing them down on paper, ideally with pencil, scratching and leaving marks on the white paper, slows down my mind that is filled with fear. Facing, engaging and participating is what psychedelics help me do. Face Me. Engage with Me. Participate with Me. Courage is feeling the fear and breathing anyway. Right. Exhaling is disturbing and disrupting the air around me. When I breathe OUT, I’m declaring that I am present. Taking up space. Making sound.

Psychedelic state of mind is trusting your intuition. Trusting your guts. Trusting yourSelf. And right now, of ALL times, trusting yourSelf is crossing cultural norms, and most likely stepping outside the box of being ‘nice’. Authenticity is contagious. Your REAL friends will embrace you. Your chosen family will encourage you. We will all evolve from your willingness to be Human.

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